A Whole Hand?

Today is my anniversary.  Five years ago today, I declared before an entire church filled with friends and family, that I would love Taylor forever, come rain or come shine.

2006

Five years.

Christ is Risen!

Indeed He is risen!!

St. John Chrysostom's Paschal Homily

If anyone is devout and a lover of God, let them enjoy this beautiful and radiant festival.  If anyone is a grateful servant, let them, rejoicing, enter into the joy of his Lord.  If anyone has wearied themselves in fasting, let them now receive recompense.  If anyone has labored from the first hour, let them today receive the just reward.  If anyone has come at the third hour, with thanksgiving let them feast.  If anyone has arrived at the sixth hour, let them have no misgivings; for they shall suffer no loss.  If anyone has delayed until the ninth hour, let them draw near without hesitation.  If anyone has arrived even at the eleventh hour, let them not fear on account of tardiness.

For the Master is gracious and receives the last even as the first; He gives rest to him that comes at the eleventh hour, just as to him who has labored from the first.  He has mercy upon the last and cares for the first; to the one He gives, and to the other He is gracious.  He both honors the work and praises the intention.  Enter all of you, therefore, into the joy of our Lord, and, whether first or last, receive your reward.

Look, Ma!

no hands! 

Guess who snuggled up perfectly in this new mei tai.. and went right to sleep?  

That's right--(hopefully) our little girl :) 

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365

Hey! I'm still doing it :) I'm still managing (somehow) to take a photo a day.

Like many things in life, not every day is fabulous. Each day is a blessing, of course, but there are some days that stand out more than others. And there are some days when I have to muddle through, and only in retrospect do I see that there was blessing there.  Thankfully, those days are not as frequent as I sometimes make them out to be.

Some days stick in my mind as fresh and bright and happy and wonderful.  Some days' photos remind me of all the good-goldenness of life and its constantly changing fabric.  Some photos are peaceful. Some mean something only to me. Some are evidently frantic last-minute shots of whatever-I-can-find in front of me.

So, not much has changed from my last project. Are you surprised? I am, a bit. I thought that this year I'd do better about being deliberate. I thought I would take more time each day to compose a shot, rather than (as is usual), happening upon a tree and thinking, "ooh, what pretty leaves. I can take a nice picture of these."  There's nothing wrong with impromptu pictures of trees, but I had grand visions of 365 photos more intended, like Paul started out doing.

Maybe I'm not disciplined enough (heck, I can barely finish sewing projects in a timely manner for other people (who are paying me) (not to mention my own mending--let's see, 3 months and counting?)), but regardless, I certainly haven't managed (successfully) to 1) imagine, 2) plan for, 3) compose, 4) shoot, 5) process, and 6) post any nice deliberate photos like that.

But really, I'm ok with that. I've always been more of a seat-of-the-pants type of flier anyway.  It's enough for me to (try to) artistically arrange the food on a plate for my recipe shots. It's enough to tell someone to stand just so for a posed shot outside.  I am not (at least, not right now) interested in collecting lots of lights and lenses and gadgets for my photography.  Give me a ginkgo tree, a cloudy day, my 50mm 1.8 lens, and all the time in the world for walking and wandering, and you'll get one happy photographer-lady.

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Content

I bared my soul on our struggle with infertility.

And then one night, as I lay in the comfort of my husband's arms, waiting for sleep to overwhelm my senses, I listened to the quiet in our house.  I heard Taylor breathing peacefully, so close to my ear, quickly asleep after a long day of hard work.  I thought about our week and all that we accomplished.  I thought about our plans for adoption and the many children already in our lives.  I thought about the way we live our life now, and about our plans for shaping the future of our marriage and our family.

As I dozed off, I came to realize that I am most content.  As much as I long for certain things in my life and in our marriage, I am happy.  Incredibly happy.  And I am certain, deep down, that I'd never change a thing outside of God's plan for our lives.

It's true that we still have to prayerfully discern what God desires of us--what we must strive for and what we must pass by.  But for now, I am at peace waiting for the blessings God has in store for us.

Because after all, I have already been blessed infinitely with the Love of my sweet husband.  Any parent (and grandparent) will tell you that children leave the family eventually.  My parents did it. I have done it. My children will do it.  I don't mean to say that children are "lost" to their parents when they begin their own life, but every child grows up.  

Momma always told me your spouse if the only member of your family you ever get to choose ("so choose carefully," I hear her say in the back of my mind).  God placed him before me and I have chosen.  He is mine forever, to help me to heaven and to see God in all things.

And truthfully, what more can I ask for? 

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[given the proximity of this to my last post, a small note of clarification: this is my best friend's family w/ her new baby] :) 

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Washington

Happy Lady

 Happy husband

Happy Girls

Happy Boys

Happy Nina

Happy Lake

Good night :)

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Retro-spect

I first met my husband spring semester my freshman year of college (2003) when he was a senior in high school (though actually, at that point, he'd "finished" his senior year and was in the midst of a 9-month summer vacation (no, his parents didn't make that mistake again)).  He and some of his friends (and a miscellaneous collection of their fathers) came over to the east side of WA to visit GU--just to see what it was like.  I introduced myself to him at a party, and we exchanged contact information.  We weren't interested in each other as more than friends--we both had other crushes, in fact.

We emailed back and forth a lot that summer. I was living with my sister-in-law, who was expecting her third kid and had a lot of baby stories :) The most memorable emails, though, were those we sent while I was on a retreat at a convent :) Oh, the dreams we shared that weekend. It was uplifting to meet a guy so excited about religious life.

I first met my husband's family while I was dating someone else.  My then-boyfriend was gone for the weekend so Taylor and a few of his friends invited me over to Seattle to get away from campus.  A timely invitation, just as fall semester (2003) was taking off!  We dropped T off at his house first. Their kitchen was being remodeled at the time, so "operations" were held in the basement.

Sebastian (now 9) was still a toddler, binky and all, and I think T's mum was just pregnant with Lydia.  I remember going down to the basement with everyone and simply being quiet, in the background, listening to T's friends chat with "Mrs. Black." T was cuddling Sebastian, who had run to him when T walked in the door, climbed into his arms, and stayed their the entire conversation.  Meanwhile, I spent the rest of the weekend with the girl Taylor liked.  I remember she and I talked about how she might marry Taylor someday.. if things panned out.

That was T's freshman year. We both maintained our other romantic interests, never guessing that in just one year, we'd be dating and on our way to marriage.  How funny to look back and see how things developed.  We lived in the same building on campus and would talk together about our relationships and friends.  I remember visiting T in his room one cold night toward the end of fall semester.  He had his heater on all the way and the window wide open.  I thought it was strange--what a waste of electricity, right?--but that it was also oddly refreshing to have the blazing warmth of the heater and the cold blasts of crisp air from outside swirling together all around me.

That summer, I broke up with my boyfriend, realizing the relationship had no future, and I made big plans to have a "single senior year" at college [I skipped a year, in case you were wondering where my junior year went].  I was going on to graduate school after I graduated, possibly all the way across the country, and I just didn't have time for any more silly relationships clouding up God's plans for me.  I had to be on track, and I had everything figured out.

Or so I thought.

I got back to GU, fall 2004 classes started, and I began to see Taylor more often around campus. We'd serendipitously eat together and sometimes walk to class together (his new dorm was on my way to campus).We went on the Pilgrimage retreat together--a long hike to the first Jesuit mission in ID.  I guess that's when we really started getting to know each other.

I was in a photography class that semester and he would accompany me on my photo walks.  To this day, some of my favorite pictures of him are ones that I took on hand-rolled 100 ISO black and white film, which I developed and made prints of myself.  Fun memories :)

Then Taylor proposed!  Wait--you want to know if I missed something? No. He did propose, but not like a real proposal.  We were chatting together, talking about all my sweet nieces and nephews, and T's wonderful younger siblings, and he said,

"Anne, why can't we just get married, start having babies, and have fun?"  

Naturally, I said,

"Ok! but you'd have to get me a ring."  

Without missing a beat, T pulled a rosary ring off his desk and handed it to me.  And there ya go :) for a whole week, we were "engaged."  Who says you can't make-believe as a grown-up?

But he went home to visit his family that weekend and, apparently, realized he really liked me enough to want to date me for real.  So when he came back to campus, he asked me,

"Anne, can I date you with the intention of discerning what God wants from our relationship?"  

Seriously! What more could I ask for!?

Two weeks later, he told me he was in love with me.  Three months after that, he told my father he wanted to marry me.  Five months after that, he asked to spend the rest of my life with me.  And 10 months after that, we were married.  Talk about whirlwind :)

The other day we were chatting with two of our dear friends about their pilgrimage/honeymoon.  Michaela was telling us about a slope they were laboring to climb.  At a certain point, they stopped for a breath and a drink of water and looked down the mountain.  And she told us,

"You can't see it, when you're walking, what it means to be where you are."

And that really struck me.  In fact, I wrote it down right there (I don't think they noticed) ;) and kept it.

I never knew, when I sat down in front of that "lonely little boy" at that party, that I was saying hello to the man who would come to know me better than anyone.  Looking back, I am in awe of the landscape of my past, the paths that led Taylor and me together, and the ways we've walked together.

I am so glad for memory.  It is true that we only have the present to live in, but to be able to look back and see how far we've come is a blessing. A tremendous blessing.  Because to see your past with the perspective of the present is revelatory and enlightening.  Michaela's right, you can't see it, when you're walking now, what it means to be where you are.  But that's a blessing too, really.

Adventures in Sushi

I love sushi. I mean, I really love sushi.  I could eat it every day for lunch and dinner without ever looking back.  It's fresh. It's simple. It's good for you. And it's so tasty!  For me, the simpler the better--no funny mayonnaises (I don't think they use mayo in Japan) or gloopy sauces on top.  I like the rice and nori best. Add in avocado (another non-traditional ingredient, admittedly) and some tasty fish and I'm one happy eater.

Clearly, on a limited (ahem--law student) budget, we can't afford to eat sushi nearly as often as I'd like.  If I could, I'd probably vote for sushi every time we did go out to eat.  Others are of a different mind (for some strange reason)... so my sushi-eating is at a relative minimum. Sadly.

Something had to be done!
and I did it :)

Two weekends ago, we were wandering around a kitchen store with a friend (who's setting up house) and I found a $6 sushi making kit ($4 on amazon).  T agreed to get it and I set myself to learning enough about sushi to try making it at home.  Fortunately the kit came with a good set of instructions on what ingredients are best, what methods work well, and a suggested list of filling ingredients.

We went to the Asian market last week and found the items we needed.  The total came to $40, and I also got about $15 of filling ingredients (most of which was the fresh crab I picked up at the farmer's market) :) but we definitely should be able to get several batches of sushi from the main ingredients, so that's good. Even though we've already spent $60 getting ingredients, that's equivalent to just two meals at a restaurant (for only T and me)--I'm hopeful about the return on our investment :)

So, to begin.  I had my sushi kit, and I had decided what to use for the maki: varying combinations of avocado, green onion, sliced cucumber, and fresh crab meat.  Of course I had a cup of tea handy for me to sip while rolling :) Tea makes everything better.



I also had Teahouse of the August Moon playing in the background.  My favorite Marlon Brando movie. Ever :)



Next, I had to make the rice.  This helpful FAQ page gives great instructions on how to make sushi rice (and they're the same as the instructions that came with my kit, so dig in, folks!).   I had gotten everything out and ready beforehand, making sure it was all within easy reach.  T volunteered to fan the rice for me while I mixed the seasoning in (it has to be cooled to room temperature relatively quickly to get a nice sheen on it).  We were a pretty good team :)

But I still had to assemble the rolls.  No matter how nice the ingredients are sliced and arranged and laid out, messy rolls just don't cut it for pretty sushi.

In picking a mat, I decided to go for the traditional bamboo slat mat. There are numerous "sushi made easy" kits, but if that "old" mat has worked for thousands of years in Japan, it's good enough for me. Besides, I love bamboo and Momma had a sushi mat in the kitchen for years--the smell of it is so nostalgic for me.  We never made sushi with it.  In fact, I don't remember what we did do with it, but I loved playing with it and the smell of the bamboo slats will always stay with me..

Recalling my first sushi-making experience, my rice was a tad starchy (maybe I added too much of the sushisu?), and some of the rolls were, um, ambitiously stuffed.  But those are things I can improve on.  If I get wracked with despair at never making pretty maki, I can always make temaki and go for a less-formal feel :)

I think the rice recipe made about 10 rolls.  We gobbled up every last piece of the sushi!  It was not the prettiest or most artfully presented sushi ever, but I wasn't expecting it to be.  I am completely happy with how my first-try turned out, and am excited to try again this week.

And did you know I've even managed to find a convenient source for sushi-grade tuna?

On the menu for this week:
makizushi with bluefin tuna, avocado, cucumber, and maybe green onions and carrots.  Are you as excited as I am? :)

To the Full

We had a very full weekend.  Full of friends, good food, much laughter, lots of sunshine, and many, many memories.  It reminds me of Christ's words to His disciples: "I came that you might have life and have it to the full."  Truly the joy in Christ has animated our lives always, and especially when we can spend time with our fabulous companions on the way.

On Thursday night, since one really can't get an early enough start to any three-day weekend, T and I, plus Viv and Matt and Jen all went to see Toy Story 3.  [Great movie, by the way. Pixar has done it again... Pixar and that cute hopping lamp-guy.]  Matt got off work late so we went to the 9:45 showing.  We drove to the theatre and Viv and I (oh so sneakily) brought our own popcorn!  Y'know those huge, over-sized, ziploc bags? We filled one of those with popcorn.. and it was delicious (even though we didn't finish it).

Though, really, I guess theatres don't really care anymore.  I remember going to the theatre when I was a kid and they'd search your bag!  So it was a total stealth operation if you wanted to "smuggle" in your own candy, rather than paying (a whole $2!) for their candy.  And popcorn? C'mon, people--movie theatres could give away seats for free if everyone bought popcorn.  Such a racket..

Um, anyway :)

On Friday, we went over to Matt's house for a terribly delicious BBQ get-together.  I think there was a sporting event on in the living room, but I mostly stayed outside.  Friday was my idea of a perfect summer's day.  It was cool in the morning, delightful in the afternoon, and cool again in the evening--but not too cool.  Not the kind of cool where you want a long-sleeve shirt or a lightweight jacket, but the kind of cool that's the perfect relief from the heat of the day.  Though even the sunshine was great that day--there was a fresh breeze dissipating the heat, but the sunlight was plentiful enough to warm buildings and sidewalks, which residual heat balanced the cool of the evening.

We had fresh burgers, home made salmon burgers (so tasty!), with enough crisp vegetables to satisfy even the largest mouthed burger eaters! There was avocado salad, strawberry salad, grilled corn on the cob (with an entire stick of butter for rolling the corn in), and delicious, creamy, coffee-y ice cream for dessert (from my favorite creamery, too).  Tim was good enough to go get me brownie mix for my intense and un-reasoned craving.  What a guy :)

And there was music, and gin and tonics, and good beer, and lots of smiles.  I always love gathering to eat with friends and family.  What better way to nourish your body than along with your soul?  Our life is blessed.

M@'s BBQ

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Saturday was mostly spent out.  At a friend's house and at the mall.  I gathered up the ingredients for oatmeal pancakes (my breakfast favorite, definitely) and some spicy Italian sausage, and we headed over to help him move his gigantic new TV.  All things considered (y'know, forgoing a breakfast en suite with my Love, lazing away the morning together..), it was a great morning.  While we ate, we watched part of Baraka, which was a stunning film.  It has led T and me to the conclusion that we definitely prefer the pace of life in "undeveloped" regions rather than life in the city :)

Big news for me is, while we were in the mall (outfitting Burke's new kitchen, etc), I got a sushi-making kit!  Now all I have to do is figure out how to make sushi rice and we're in business :D  Stay tuned for updates--I plan on attempting said feat tomorrow.. we'll see how it goes!

In the evening we made popcorn and watched MOON on Burke's new TV. Another good movie--thought provoking.

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Ok--Sunday!  The whole purpose of the weekend, right? since it's the reason we had Monday off.  What did we do?  Well.. did you know that Boston's fireworks are the ones that are televised nationwide for the 4th?  So next year, if you want to join us in our revelry, tune it to "the hub's" fireworks :)

our view for the fireworks

We went to Mass in the morning, all our picnic gear in tow, and ate lunch at Pavement (best chicken salad ever).  It was hot on Sunday, and we only had salami from home, so we also stopped by the store for fruit and bread and hummus and cheese and water.  What more could you ask for, sitting on a blanket in the sunshine (with an umbrella)?  We also brought books--my pick was a book about my new camera.  Dorky? Yes. Do I care? Not particularly :)

A summary of our Sunday would go like this: Mass, Lunch, find a spot, sit (sit sit sit sit), cool off, sit some more, wait for the fireworks to start, take pictures, watch fireworks, more pictures, shuffle to the T with thousands of other watchers, decide to walk the whole way home (4 miles), crash into bed (which I thankfully thought to clear off before we left in the morning!).

That sounds worse that it really was--it really was a looong day--but we had a lot of fun and it was good to be down there, "in the throng" as it were.  We had a good time chatting with friends and it was nice to much on goodies all day, with nothing else to do.

And the fireworks--once they started--were really awesome.  I didn't bring my tripod, because I didn't want to carry it around the whole day, but I will definitely have it next time I watch fireworks. I learned a lot, and even got some decent shots. Hope your 4th was just as fun :)

4th on the Esplanade

House Full

When Daddy was a younger man, he tells us, he always wanted to live in a house full of beautiful women.  Wouldn't y'know it? He forgot to specify: "whom I'm not related to."  :)  Instead of a houseful of wife-like women, he got a houseful of daughters.  "Even the tortoise turned out to be a girl!" he'd say.  Now, most of his grandchildren are grand-daughters :) Ah well.

Viv and I flew out to CA last weekend because, you see, Summer was visiting from CO  and we thought it'd be fun to have all the sisters together again.  It was :)

The weekend before we flew out was Daddy's birthday.  My sister Bethany, who teaches at our old high school, thought it'd be a good idea to take Daddy out to an encore performance of a Johnny Cash play the school was putting on.  It was awesome!

We went to sushi for dinner and Daddy even tried a piece of raw fish! He didn't particularly like it, but that was fine--it left more for me.  We sipped tea and talked--about theology of the body, music and lyrics, dividing things up, visiting at Christmas--and laughed. It was also nice to sit down to eat dinner that 1) we didn't have to make and 2) we didn't have to clean up.  It was a great meal.  I think sushi should become a tradition in the family now.. one of those things that's developed without Momma around to orchestrate large meals.  It's easy to order, pick up, serve, fill us up, and clean up after.  Addenda to the meal are easy too (rice and miso soup), and (my favorite reason) I'm mostly not allergic to anything in sushi. Hooray! How 'bout it, Family--New Tradition? :D

After dinner we headed over to the high school and sat through a wonderful performance of Ring of Fire, a musical about Johnny Cash.  It was, of course, a high school musical production, but it was wonderfully done--and the troupe is going to Scotland to perform it in a competition!  Well done, alma mater :)

After the concert, Daddy treated us all to ice cream.  We went to Baskin Robins and each got a scoop, which we ate outside--the weather was so nice [really, there's nothing like summer nights in the desert].  I got daiquiri ice, a favorite of mine from childhood.  I love real ice cream, but on a hot summer day (and "hot summer day" where I'm from translates to 120+ degrees with no humidity and glaring sunshine), the cream is just too much. Daiquiri ice was the most refreshing thing out there :) and it hit the spot.

I love my family.  We're all a little nutty, but that keeps things interesting! It was good to see my sisters again and hang out with Daddy a bit.  We really missed you Ray (et al.)!  Hopefully we can all meet up for Christmas--it's been too long since we've all been together (grandkids and spouses included)!

Here's hopin' :)

Let's Smile

I am of the firm belief that a smile can change the way a day goes.  Even your smile brightening your own day.  There's something unique that happens when your face maneuvers into a grin.  If you do it often enough, you'll begin to feel happy. I promise :)

When I was a kid, my brownie troupe leader thought I was hyper-active and often made me sit in the corner and told me to chill out.  Well--maybe I was a little.. excited sometimes :) but Momma always told me I was just a happy kid.  As one grows up, it can be harder to be "just happy" but I've tried.  And I've been blessed enough that, often, my eyes sparkle into a smile of simple joy and contentment.

Anyway, what's the point of this post?  Have you ever wondered what "renidemus" means (ok, admittedly, probably not).  Wanna try something neat? Go to google.com and type in "renidemus."  My stuff!  So there you go--a nice easy way to find me on the web.. if you can remember how to spell renidemus.

It's from the Latin verb "renidere" which means: to shine back , glitter; to beam with joy, laugh, smile.  And renidemus is (are you ready for this?) the first person plural present active indicative form of the verb (I think I got that all right).  And so it means:

"let's shine back; let's glitter; let's beam with joy; let's laugh; let's smile"
[etc.]
So get to it!

so many wonderful smiles in my life :) Count your blessings!