Our Good Friday

Did you ever wonder, as a kid, why they called it "Good Friday" if it was the day we remember that Jesus suffered so much on the cross for us?  I know for me, at least, it was always a bit counter-intuitive.  I could understand the logic that our salvation came out of His death, but it still didn't sound like it was a good day.  I'll bet Mary didn't feel very good that day, I thought to myself.  I know Jesus didn't.

But of course, with age comes wisdom, and one begins to see how suffering can enlighten the pain of a moment and reveal its true value and goodness.  Yes, goodness in suffering.  Jesus may not have been very comfortable, but as a blogger-friend related, the nails didn't keep Him on that cross--Love did.  He suffered, yes, but He suffered for a reason.  For us.  And that is truly Goodness.

I find myself thinking lately about suffering and waiting and not-knowing.  Especially as concerns the adoption process, of course.  This Good Friday we spent many happy hours with the Babe before heading back into town for church.  She is so comfortable with us now, so relaxed when we're holding her.  I have experienced it with other babies, of course, but it's so different with This Little Girl, She Who Might Be Ours Someday.  Hopefully soon.

It's hard waiting, not knowing one way or another how things will turn out.  Not knowing if we'll ever be able to introduce her to our friends or watch her sleeping next to us.  We are so in Love with her.. can't we show the world already?  It's hard to leave at the end of every visit.  It's hard to say goodbye again and again and again, hoping, as we go, to never have to say it anymore, someday.

2 Years?

Has it been two years already?  Twenty-four months is not a very long time--ask any parent of a toddler--and yet, it seems ages ago that I first learned my mother had died.

Last year, I shared the story of my mother's death, and how we celebrated her life in remembrance.  This year, unexpectedly, I am a strange mix of emotions: happy and sad; peaceful and unsettled.

I miss Momma more than I thought I could, and in ways I never expected.  I miss talking to her about adoption, even though I never did speak with her about it, about becoming a parent in this way--it is so different from being pregnant.  When I have dreams that I don't understand, I miss hearing her interpretation of them and what she thinks it means for my life.  I miss listening to her tell stories; stories she made up or stories from her past, or from her family's past.  She had a flare for story-telling.

Still, even now on the second anniversary of her death, I am giddy with excitement.  Today, Taylor and I get to go visit our Little Girl--the court date is getting so close!  All I can think about is whether or not we will have her home in two weeks.. in just 13 days.

Ash Wednesday

I was scrolling through my google reader this morning, and one of my college friends has posted this wonderfully apt poem on Death.

You should go read it!  And if you like it, do let Margaret know :)

Isn't it great how we can experience so much more in life through the experience and urgings of our friends?

Lenten Pretzels

I made pretzels last week, as a treat (because I finally found a reliable source for white spelt flour).

They were delicious.  Just what simple Lenten pretzels should be--doughy and salty and a bit chewy, and perfect with a big bowl of vegetable soup!

I even had a little sparrow to keep me company while I worked!

Lenten Pretzels

4 c white flour
1 T yeast
1 T sugar
1 tsp salt
1 1/4 c water

Preheat oven to 425.

Add all dry ingredients (including yeast) in mixer bowl and combine well.  With mixer on, slowly add water until smooth dough forms.

Turn onto wooden surface and divide into 8 parts.

Shape each part into a pretzel (pretzels can be thick and puffy or thin and spread out--just make them all the same or they won't all bake evenly) and place on parchment-lined cookie sheet.

Brush with egg white (or: water + cornstarch mixture) and sprinkle coarse salt over all to taste.

Bake at 425 degrees for 12-15 minutes.

Best enjoyed warm :) 

Fish Tacos (Serves 4)

In honor of Ash Wednesday, I thought I would share a dish I put together last Friday.  I didn't have enough fish for three people (that is, enough fish to serve "on its own" so to speak) so I got some taco shells, beans, and other accoutrements, and went to work.

Ingredients:

12 taco shells [I suppose you could use tortillas and have soft tacos, but I was really craving crunchy tacos]

1-2 c cooked beans of choice (or 1 can)

veggie condiments [in our case, guacamole, chopped tomatoes, and shredded lettuce]

1/2 c. grated cheese

1/2 pound fish of choice [I used mahi mahi]

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 500 degrees (on broil).
2. Place fish in an oven safe dish and sprinkle with blackening seasoning and a drizzle of oil. Place in oven with the door ajar for 15 minutes. 
3. Heat beans on the stove. I used some pinto beans I'd cooked previously (and frozen and defrosted) and fried them in a bit of bacon grease with chopped leftover onion and salt and pepper, so they turned out more like refried beans. You could use a can of those, too. 
4. Prepare veggies.
   --I used two firm avocados (I think they would just barely have qualified as ripe), halved them and scooped the flesh into a food processor with the juice from half a lemon and about a quarter cup of green tomatillo salsa. Pulse in the food processor a few times until the avocado is in pea-sized chunks. Salt and pepper to taste.  I was really happy with this guac--it had more texture than other recipes I've made (with much more ripe avocados) and I really liked the perky flavor the tomatillos added.
   --I chopped the tomatoes in the food processor as well and plopped them on top of the guac when it was done. Chop two or three leaves of lettuce into thin slices on a cutting board. 
5. Grate cheese. Set aside. 
6. By this time, your fish should be done.  Make sure it's opaque in the center.  Don't worry about breaking it apart, that's the next step anyway :) 
7. Break fish up with a fork and set aside in a bowl. 
8. Set up all your items buffet style and assemble tacos:
   taco shell
   beans
   fish
   cheese
   lettuce
   guac/tomatoes

Plate. 

Crunch. 

Yum. 

"A Thing In A Bag"

For some reason, this recipe called to mind a fabulous Strong Bad short: Lookin' at a Thing in a Bag.  :) It's called: Fish in a Bag (from Saving Dinner--great book!), slightly modified à la Annie.

Serves 2

ingredients: 

2 fish fillets (any kind of fish will do)

2 small potatoes, parboiled for 10 minutes (until just fork tender) cut into quarter-inch slices [you can do this ahead of time and keep the taters in the fridge until ready to slice for dinner]

1 carrot, sliced thinly

1 tomato, diced

1/4 c. white wine

1 tsp thyme (fresh or dried)

2 tsp dried onion (or a quarter of a fresh onion, chopped finely)

salt and pepper to taste

olive oil

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. 

Place each fish fillet on a piece of tin foil (about 12 x 20).  Spread sliced potatoes on top of fish. Drizzle olive oil over potatoes and fish. Sprinkle carrot pieces, tomato, thyme, onion, salt, and pepper over potatoes. Pour half of wine over each fish "bag."  Pull oposite corners of foil together and crimp. Crimp and seal all seams of foil and place bags on a baking sheet. Place in preheated oven and bake for 20 minutes or until fish flakes.  When ready to serve, carefully remove contents from "bag" and arrange on plates. 

I served this with wilted spinach and sour cream. Turned out really well--and VERY quick, very clean prep work.  Dinner was ready in (literally) 30 or 40 minutes from getting home to sitting down to the table. 

The other neat thing I like about this recipe is that it's so easy to modify.  You can use sweet potatoes instead of golden or yellow. You could even use fingerling potatoes and slice them "hot-dog bun style."  You could use soy sauce and more exotic veggies for an Asian taste (serve with rice and miso soup!).  You could mix and match with any number of vegetables and (as long as you parboil tough veggies or give them time to become tender) it will be really easy and quick.  

If you want to do this for a big dinner, use a big fish fillet and add all the vegetables with the fish and accoutrements in one "bag" (might need multiple pieces of foil, making it very important to firmly seal all seams--especially those on the bottom).  

Happy Ash Wednesday! 

40 Days

My friend Paul and I have decided that we want to try the 365 Photo project.  The goal is to take one photo a day and post it online with a brief explanation of the day or what the photo represents.   

However, given our busy lives (and, according to Paul, his perfectionist tendencies and minimal time), we want to "test the waters" first, to see if we have the time/energy/will power/motivation to 1) actually take at least one photo a day and 2) to post it and 3) compose (intelligent) brief notes on it.  So, we've decided to start with a Lenten Photo Project.  I start today and Paul, being Roman Catholic, will start Wednesday (right, Paul? You have to do it now since I've told everyone you will!).  

So, to begin. 

Here is a picture of T from this evening.  On Monday afternoons this semester, T, Paul, and Nick all get together to study for the comprehensive exams this May--the final step in completing their master's degrees.  I made French Lentil Soup tonight (quite tasty and very Lenten! Good thing we have a lot of leftovers) and bread. My bread didn't turn out very well.  It didn't rise enough.  But, I thoroughly enjoyed puttering around the kitchen while strains of exposition on Aquinas drifted in from the living room.   Looks like the boys had fun, too! 

(click on the photo for a larger view)

Easter things on Holy Saturday

Holy Saturday is a day of waiting.. a day of meditating on the death of our Lord. Our icon corner is clothed in black, mourning His death.. ..... Still, I love Easter. I love it so much I can barely sit still during the vigil Mass or Liturgy. I can't WAIT for Mass tonight.. T is always telling me to be quiet and sit still, just like I was a little kid. :) I keep wanting to sing the Resurrection hymn we sing in the Byzantine rite (for those of you who went to our wedding, you should remember it--we sang it at least 20 times, probably more: "Christ is risen! Christ is risen! Christ is risen from the dead! By death he conquered death! By death he conquered death! And to those in the grave, He granted life!"). But T kept telling me "Not yet, just wait a little longer." I was thinking about it today and I can't imagine how it must have been for those first Christians--those who watched Christ die on the cross and were there as he was buried. What would it have been like for them who didn't know He was to rise on the third day? But, on the other side of the coin, I can barely imagine their JOY when they heard (and, for some, saw) the Risen Lord was ALIVE! I am glad that we can remember our Lord's Passion with the alleluia always in the back of our mind. It is a great grace to live life knowing and believing in the Resurrection. Praise God for His goodness. Since we're "bi-ritual" Catholics (or, as bi-ritual as one can get..), we had to decide on how to celebrate our Triduum weekend.. We decided, rather than drive to New York and stay with family in order to attend the Ruthenian Byzantine services for the Triduum, that we'd stay here and go to St. Clement's parish, a Eucharistic shrine under the direction of the Oblates of the Virgin Mary. Roman liturgy done well is AWESOME! We've really enjoyed the services so far! One of the Byzantine traditions we like is to prepare a basket of all the food we've been fasting from (though not always so diligently!) during Lent: eggs, cheese, all sorts of meat, sweets, wine, and butter (any any other dairy--but milk can be hard to carry in a basket). We contemplated preparing a basket this year and taking it to the Roman parish where we've been going to church, and asking the priest to bless it, but we ruled it out because of the weird-ness factor of 1) it sitting in the pew with us all during the Vigil, and 2) having to ask the priest to bless it: "Hi, will you bless this basket of food for us?" "Uh.. why?" "Well, we're Byzantine and we've been fasting from these types of food for, like, 8 weeks now, and it's part of our tradition to have our already-prepared Pascha food blessed so we don't have to cook on Easter Sunday and so that the food we eat is holy." "Oh.. uh: Lord, bless the food here before you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Is that alright?" I mean, it would work, but.. maybe next year :) Among the traditional items placed in the basket is the Pascha bread, a very rich bread made with lots of eggs, white flour, and butter. Last year, Taylor's mom got us one from their home parish, St. John Chrysostom's in Seattle. This year, since that wasn't an option, I made my own. I didn't have the right size pan to bake it the more usual way, so I made a braided loaf with a three bar cross on top. It turned out rather prettily, and we'll see how it tastes tomorrow! :) Also a Byzantine tradition is to make a lamb cake. Ha ha, no, this is not a cake made out of lamb meat, though that's what I thought when I first heard T and his siblings taking about it. It's a pound cake baked in a lamb mold and decorated to look like it has fleece (usually involving coconut). T's family usually puts chick-peeps around it to make it look more spring-y. I don't have a lamb cake mold, and the one I ordered won't get here till bright week. Luckily the "feast" of Pascha lasts for 7 weeks... :D

I've also decided that some traditions from Christmas should also be Easter traditions. Most notably egg nog and springerle cookies. After all, isn't Easter more about eggs than Christmas? And, I happen to have a cookie mold (prefect for springerles) of the Paschal Lamb. :)

All in all, then, despite being so far away from our families, it should be a delightful Great Pascha! I leave you with a link to St. John Chrysostom's Pascal Homily.

February 6, 2008 - Thoughts on Ash Wednesday from a Byzantine

Having been raised Roman Catholic, I am most familiar with the Roman traditions for Lent. However, in my limited exposure to the Byzantine rite, I have noticed differences of emphasis between the two rites. For instance, Great Lent, in the Byzantine church is sometimes called "The Season of Alleluias" because of the increased frequency of Alleluias in the liturgies. The idea, I assume, is this: although we fast, we do so with the knowledge of the Resurrection. Whereas in the Roman rite, the Alleluia is removed entirely from Mass to remind us of the season of preparation. Instead, we say, "Praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ, King of endless glory" before the Gospel. Another example that comes to mind is the services which begin the period of fasting. For Byzantines, Great Lent begins two days before Ash Wednesday (because we count the days of Lent differently), on "Clean Monday" (the Monday after Forgiveness Vespers (the evening of Cheesefare Sunday)). During this first week of Lent (I am not sure what day, specifically), there is a service called the Anointing of the Spiritual Athlete. One is anointed with oil to give strength for the period of fasting--physically (so that one can fast and abstain) and spiritually (to resist temptation and to grow ever closer to God). In the Roman rite, though, the ashes which are distributed are the ashes of the palms from last year's Palm Sunday (on the first day of Lent we are already reminded of Jesus' passion). The priest makes the sign of the cross with the words, "Remember that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return." It is a reminder of our unworthiness and the need to remain humble. It is a mark of faith, of penance, and, most importantly, hope: we are only dust, and yet God had died for us. One other very interesting contrast is the type of liturgies celebrated during Lent. In the Roman Church, there is only one day of the entire year on which no Mass is celebrated--Good Friday, when there is a communion service. I have always found this custom very beautiful because the Holy Mysteries were, in that sense, eternal. Somewhere, every day, every hour, Mass is celebrated. It also makes Good Friday that much more barren because of the knowledge that Mass is not celebrated ANYWHERE. However, in the Byzantine rite, because Great Lent is such a penitential season, Divine Liturgy (which is a very joyous celebration of Christ's Resurrection) is not celebrated at all during the week. On Wednesdays and Fridays during this period, the Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts is celebrated, very much like a Roman communion service. Here, bread that was consecrated on Sunday is used, to which unconsecrated wine is added (the consecrated bread is (understandably) stale by the middle of the week). During this service there is much profound bowing (prostration), crossing oneself, asking for mercy, kneeling, kissing of icons, and, of course, incense. **Funny story: my first time attending the Presanctified Liturgy I received a particularly hard piece of consecrated bread. (I almost thought it was a rock.) I was eventually successful in slowly (so as not to hurt my teeth) chewing and consuming Christ's Body. Afterwards, T told me that, when he and his siblings were younger, they thought that those extra hard pieces were "Jesus' bones, because it's Lent." For some reason, that was quite comic and it was hard for me NOT to laugh as Liturgy concluded....** **Another funny story (or two): When T's family was first attending Byzantine litugries, one of the first ones they attended was Presanctified. Like good Catholics, they were closely following the book to understand what was going on. Meanwhile, the whole congregation steps out of their pews to prostrate themselves. When T's dad looked up from the book, the whole church was empty! and his first thought was: "Oh no, the Rapture, and I wasn't taken!" # 2 - T's younger sisters (Lydia and Caellainne) are participating more and more in the Liturgy. Caellainne (1) thinks it's hilarious when everyone lies down on the floor for profound bows and chuckles to herself whenever they do.. "heh heh.." Lydia (4) thinks that it's fun to do profound bows, especially when she can lay down on top of Daddy's back ("But Daddy, it's so cold in here and you're so warm!")... It's nice to have kids around to remind us that God has a sense of humor, too!** John Paul II said, in speaking about the Orthodox and the Catholic churches, "We must breathe with both lungs, the East and the West." I think this applies very truly (if not more aptly) to the Roman rite and the Byzantine rite Catholic churches.