I'm a giddy, excited, basket case today. Today our adoption case manager is coming to our house for the last meeting in our home study--the home visit. Today, theoretically, the process will move forward into the real "waiting" period, when we wait to make a connection with an expectant mother, and wait to hold our child in our arms.
I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling. I'm not worried about the process not moving forward. I am confident that we will not have to wait terribly long for a placement. But I almost tremble all over. My breaths are shorter. My heart is beating heavily. Is this what hovering on the verge of parenthood is like? Is this what it feels like, for instance, before that first prenatal appointment when you hear the baby's heartbeat? Is this when it becomes real? I don't know.
But I am excited. I gave the house a good cleaning, which was very therapeutic for me (boy did it need it, too!). I couldn't fall asleep right away last night. I woke up a few times early in the morning, before our alarms went off, with that same feeling I used to have on Christmas morning as a little girl--is it here yet? is it time to wake up? Will it begin soon?
And just like those tedious (and, really, very few) hours that we had to let my parents sleep until the sun rose, the hours of today crawl by and I watch the clock. Soon enough it will tell me it's time to go home and take the next step on the way toward parenthood.
and I really am excited :)